Attn: Sir/Ma

We are writhing to know if it’s true that you are DEAD? Because we received a notification from one MR. GERSHON SHAPIRO of USA stating that you are DEAD and that you have giving him the right to claim your funds. He stated you died on a CAR accident.

He has been calling us regarding this issue, but we cannot proceed with him until we confirm this by not hearing from you after 7days. Be advised that we have made all arrangements for you to receive and confirm your funds without anymore stress, and without any further delays.

All we need to confirm now is your been DEAD Or still Alive. Because this MAN’S message brought shock to our minds. And we just can’t proceed with him until we confirm if this is a reality OR not But if it happened we did not hear from you after 7days, then we say: MAY YOUR SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE.

YOUR JOY AND SUCCESS REMAINS OUR GOAL.

May the peace of the Lord be with you wherever you may be now.

Your Faitfully,
Mr.James Dobson

I wonder how many folks actually replied OF COURSE I’M ALIVE!!!

What are your favorite spam subject lines?

Here are some of mine:

“Having rock-like winky is easy”(OK, I admit, sometimes I’m 12 and “winky” makes me laugh)

“-Enlarge-your ~Penis up to 3 per month!” (Up to three what per month? And every month?)

“-Its all about the bra-” (From yourscalecars, advertising penis enlargement. Uh. Really?)

“!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (apparently spammers never got the memo that !! is bad in a subject line)

“Adventures of my giant mighty soldier” (uh. back to being 12)

“Aliens spotted” (I always thought aliens were striped)

“allergic to almonds or pecans?” (well, no, but thanks for trying)

“anxiety’s archduke Bourbaki’s” (uh. What?)

And, well, I’ve gotten through the a’s in my spamfolder and there are something like 200,000 messages still to go.

Do share some of your own in the comments!

At least it was entertaining, right?

How much of that mail is spam, I wonder?

HT: Laughing Squid

Nobody Knows What They Actually Do. When you try to find out what a social media douchebag does, you’re in for a dizzying deflection.
They Actually Think They’re Internet Celebrities.
They Will Speak At Any Event.
They Recommend Their Friends Who Are, Coincidentally, Also Douchebags.
They Always Need To “Rate A Brand”.

The next week there was a followup: 5 terms social media douchbags need to stop using

“Participate In The Conversation”
“Monetize Your Social Media Presence”
“Social Media Rockstar”
“You’re Doing It Wrong.”
“Social Media Is All About …”

I’ll admit, I laughed and laughed and laughed at this. I have been passing it around to folks for a while, and they usually start naming names. The question I have to ask is (to paraphrase Toby): if the librarians are laughing at social media, just how far from the pack have the douchebags strayed?

10. It’s continuous and unavoidable
The vuvuzela emits a loud, irritating, continuous noise that’s impossible to avoid — ruining many people’s World Cup experience.
Spam is eyecatching, irritating, continuous noise that’s impossible to avoid — ruining many people’s email experience.

[...]

7. Sociopathic anonymity.
Vuvuzela blowers are basically anonymous and don’t care what other people think about their noise.
Spammers are basically anonymous and don’t care what other people think about their spam.

Go read the whole thing.

This is one of the strangest theories of email delivery I have heard in a long time.